


if you save yourself i'll save you all the time

by beardsley



Category: Marvel 616
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-05
Updated: 2013-09-05
Packaged: 2017-12-25 17:17:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/955698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beardsley/pseuds/beardsley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kate checks in on Jessica post-breakup, and some expectations don't line up with reality.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if you save yourself i'll save you all the time

**Author's Note:**

> Title from TV on the Radio. Thanks to Lanyon for all her encouragement; the existence of this story, as well as my investment in this pairing, should be blamed entirely on her.

She expects them to talk. She expects them to talk about Hawkeye and Hawkeyeing and what a miserable asshole Clint Barton can be and how there's no excuse for being a dick, but excuses are different from explanations. People are dicks for a reason and that reason is usually some variation of _didn't get enough hugs as a child_. And hey: maybe, just maybe, she expects to have a weird but uplifting heart-to-heart with a woman she finds incredibly fucking cool.

That's expectations.

This is reality: Jessica Drew is actually doing pretty well and Kate's best laid plans fizzle out and die by the side of the road when faced with…well, with other things that include the word 'laid'. Jessica Drew is also just as fucking cool one-on-one as she was in the company of two other fucking cool women and Kate, even if she considers herself pretty cool (it's not self-aggrandising if it's true, all right?), doesn't feel as confident on Jessica's doorstep as she'd like to. Not 'hopelessly outclassed' levels of insecure, but maybe kind of loserish with her feel-good romcom and popcorn.

'Smarter Hawkeye,' says Jessica. She raises her eyebrows. She's wearing sweatpants; it's a little distracting. 'Social call?'

Kate hides the DVD and popcorn behind her back. 'Uh, yeah. Hi? I wanted to check if you're doing okay.'

Jessica blinks. She lifts the corner of her mouth in a faint smirk. 'Don't let the give-up-on-life-pants fool you, I'm fine. But thanks.'

'Give up on life…pants.'

'Yeah, like in the —?' Jessica points to her sweatpants, then smiles up at Kate. Her expression falters at Kate's blank look. She sighs and steps aside to let Kate in. 'Never mind. Come in, Smarter Hawkeye. Beer?'

'Sure, beer sounds great.'

So honestly, what does Kate expect? Girly bonding time? Superhero gossip? Some saccharine Lifetime movie grossness? Yeah, sure, probably. She used to do that kind of thing with Cassie all the time and it's nice, it's great, it's greatness. There are so many guys in the hero business all the time that it's a rare comfort to get to hang out with people who _get_ things.

Best laid plans and all.

Two beers in Jessica instructs her to call her _Jess_ ; three beers in they're making vomiting noises at the TV, where Sandra Bullock is — as always — falling in love in a seriously undignified way. Four beers in Kate can't remember what the movie she brought is called and she's taking the half-empty bottle out of Jess' hands to have a taste (in her head she wants to taste the beer but also Jess' lip balm, and both are good).

Four and a half beers in Jess is cupping her face and saying, 'You're okay, Katie. You're really okay,' and Kate doesn't scream and scramble off the couch when Jess' mouth is on hers only because she's not Sandra Bullock, she's cool and dignified. She lets Jess part her lips and lets her own fingers trail over the pale skin of Jess' neck and collarbone and smiles into the kiss when Jess lets out a soft, content sigh.

Four and a half beers in Kate forgets all about the beer. Jess pushes her to lie back on the couch and laughs when Kate wriggles her hips to get comfortable.

'But I'm not,' Kate starts. ( _But I'm not rebound, right?_ ) Jess bites the side of her neck and Kate shuts up. She probably doesn't want to know anyway. She can do casual. She can do meaningless comfort. She can be second best as long as there's some plausible deniability and maybe she's not second best at all. Maybe someone uninvolved is exactly who Jess needs and Kate, hey, Kate's all about altruism.

Jess lifts herself up, her face framed by long black hair. She doesn't look as tipsy as Kate feels. 'Still with me?'

'More than.' Kate hooks her fingers into the waistband of Jess' sweatpants, her knuckles brushing Jess' abdomen. She bites her lower lip. 'Anyone ever tell you you're easy?'

There is a moment where silence hangs between them heavy and taut. 'Anyone ever tell you your subtle needs a lot of work?' Jess asks. Her hand hovers a precious inch from the crotch of Kate's jeans and Kate has to bite her tongue before she can let out a pathetic whine. She spreads her thighs. Jess nestles between them, less like a spider and more like big, eager cat. Half her face is in shadow, but her eyes are bright and the curve of her mouth is enough to send a shiver down Kate's spine. She shivers again when Jess pops the button of her jeans and drags the zipper down.

'Subtle or not,' she says, breathing gone a little fast as she obediently lifts her hips so Jess can tug down her pants and underwear, 'I'm here, aren't I?'

Jess bends down to nuzzle the exposed skin of Kate's hip. 'Subtle is overrated anyway.'

Unthinking, Kate grabs the hem of her t-shirt to slide it up, bare her stomach. The cotton drags against her skin and she feels warm, warmer still with Jess' palm flat on her belly, feeling Kate breathe in and out. She bends down again to press her lips to the inside of Kate's thigh and it takes a moment for Kate to realise that Jess is feeling her pulse there. It's —

'Lift up,' Jess orders. She slides a pillow under Kate's hips. 'Why're you here, Hawkeye?' she asks, low and a little hoarse, and Kate knows this is what it must feel like to be on the receiving end of the spider pheromones — except this is real, real and maybe just a little fast. Kate doesn't want to back away, though; it's the last thing on her mind. She's too hot and too eager and what she wants is exactly what's happening. Jess is curled over her with her head resting against Kate's thigh, looking right at home, and then she's licking her fingers and sliding two inside Kate. All air leaves Kate's lungs in one drawn-out moan as Jess crooks her fingers in a beckoning gesture.

'Here, kitty kitty,' she whispers, grinning. 'Why are you here?'

'To check if you're okay,' Kate manages. Both her hands are fisted tight in the fabric of her t-shirt; otherwise she might have to grab at something, or someone.

'Nah. Try again.'

'I — fuck _fuck_ —'

Before Kate can say anything else, Jess adds another finger. She starts fucking Kate slowly, like they have all the time in the world — which, hey, they do. Kate forces herself to relax, and after a moment she lets herself push back against Jess' fingers, her hips jerking down and down and down again. Her eyes drift shut and the room is quiet save for their breathing, warm and nearly in sync. Jess bites Kate's thigh; it's enough of a surprise that it tears a gasp from her.

Right. There was — a question, and Kate is all about altruism and fair play and — god, if Jess would only fuck her _faster_ —

'For you,' Kate says. Jess crooks her fingers again and it makes Kate's hips buck helplessly. With her eyes closed she doesn't expect Jess' tongue circling her fingers, hot and wet, though not as wet as Kate is. 'God, all right, all right, for you, I'm here for — oh, _oh_ —'

That does the trick. Jess stops teasing and goes faster, three fingers inside Kate and her tongue on her clit, and Kate stops caring that the noises she's making are shamelessly plaintive. When she opens her mouth it's to spill curses and pleas and _yes_ and _fuck_. She spreads her legs as far as they'll go and fucks herself on Jess' fingers and she's just drunk enough to feel like a bow string pulled taut and about to snap.

It can't last forever and she loses track of time, in a haze of bliss and warmth and Jess' _tongue_ , holy fuck, and then she's crashing into orgasm like it's a trainwreck. It's suffocating and overwhelming and Kate shakes apart, shakes like a leaf as Jess easer her through it. When she comes down Jess is wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, and Kate reaches out to grab her wrist and pull Jess' fingers into her mouth to lick them clean.

It makes Jess bite down on her lower lip. Her eyes are dark, her mouth still a little slick. Kate breathes and breathes and isn't sure what she's supposed to say.

As if knowing exactly what's going through Kate's head, Jess presses one last kiss to her knee before getting off the couch. She picks up three of the empty beer bottles to carry them to the kitchen.

'Fuck,' Kate whispers in the silence of the living room. Something's wrong here and she doesn't know what, except that Jess didn't even take off her sweatpants, like it doesn't even occur to her that Kate might want to — like this isn't —

Kate scrambles off the couch and nearly falls on her ass when her legs get tangled in her jeans and panties. She kicks them off and doesn't bother picking them off the floor. It leaves her half-naked in more ways than one. She has no idea what she's doing.

No, she knows. She has some training. Not Batman-levels of training, but still. There are few personal items in Jess' apartment; it might as well be a hotel room. Few personal items and no photos. Kate's been around long enough to get what it means and to get that it's unusual as far as superheroes go. It's supposed to be all about fire-forged alliances and friends and human connections. Even Cap's apartment looked more lived-in and the last time Kate was there with Eli and Billy, Cap was _dead_.

In the kitchen Jess is washing her hands in the sink. The beer bottles are stacked next to the bin. When she hears Kate approaching, she turns off the water and turns and — looks surprised. Her eyes go a little wide when she sees Kate's bare legs and bare ass.

'You want to get washed up?' she asks. 'I'll get you a towel and a change of clothes if my underwear doesn't gross you out too much.'

Kate's brain threatens to short-circuit at the thought of herself in Jess' clothes, but she gets a grip. A part of her wants to go the tried and true Hawkeye route and chuck her internal editor out the window ( _You don't have any real friends, do you?_ ), but the tried and true Hawkeye route has already burned Jess once and Kate is better, she's better than Car Crash Barton. She can be better.

She makes her way towards Jess and backs her up against the sink and doesn't wonder, as she puts her hands on Jess' hips to slip her fingers underneath her t-shirt, she doesn't wonder if all this isn't just her competitive streak going out of control and oh, she definitely doesn't wonder what her esteemed partner would even have to say about her sexing up his ex. 

Jess blinks in confusion. She's taller; when she looks down at Kate her hair falls into her eyes. Kate wants to card her fingers through it.

'So you don't want to get washed up?'

Kate takes in a deep breath. 'Can I stay the night?'

'I,' says Jess, wide-eyed. 'What. What?'

'For one thing, I'm a morning sex kind of person,' Kate explains. She can feel heat creeping up her neck and she's painfully aware of all the places her bare skin is rubbing up against Kate's sweatpants. 'For another, I mean, hey. Why not, right?'

'Why not,' Jess echoes. She leans back when Kate leans in, but then seems to think twice about it and lets Kate kiss her. It's slow and sweet, almost unbearably so. Jess runs her tongue over Kate's lower lip and Kate shivers; the memory of what Jess' tongue can _really_ do makes her breathe faster, sends a dull throb from the pit of her stomach down, between her legs. She licks into Jess' mouth and tangles one hand in her hair and the kiss goes on and on, warm and soft, until they part for air.

Jess half-heartedly pushes her hair out of her face. She's flushed all the way down her neck to her collar bone.

'All right,' she says. Her mouth twitches when Kate scrapes her nails against her hips, lightly. 'All right, stay the night. But I'm not feeding you.'

'Oh, no, no worries. I make mean pancakes.' Kate grins. Feeling brave, she adds: 'See, I can feed _you_. I'm totally worth keeping around.' She raises an eyebrow and gives Jess an obnoxious come-hither look.

It makes Jess laugh, open and honest, and Kate feels like punching the air. She stays the night. She stops expecting and the reality she gets instead is better, and she —

She stays.


End file.
